raison d'etre

I was just listening to a song called "Raison D'etre"*, and I got to thinking about the meaning of the phrase. It means "reason for being": a purpose in existing. This is actually really deep, if you think about it. I'm kinda curious - what is your raison d'etre? If you had to chose one thing to be your reason for existing, what would it be. This question has no wrong answer - or right one, for that matter. Just whatever.

My own personal raison d'etre, I'd have to say, is my friends. I'd go bat-shit insane without them. Even though I seem like a loner a lot of the time and can be off on my own for hours without any problem, it's the people that I care about that keep me grounded when I need it. Just being around other people is one of the best things I can think of. I can think of no worse hell than being alone forever.

I had a conversation with one of my friends recently, and he was saying how everything is a competition and how it's impossible and wrong to get close to people. There are no words to describe the feelings I had at that: mixed confusion, hurt, and even understanding and hope. Confusion because I had never seen that kind of vehement hatred toward humanity from him. Hurt because I thought he saw the value in friendship. I did understand because I had been like that back in the beginning of tenth grade (I was miserable, and I was not a happy person to be around). I had hope because I felt I could explain to him the importance of human connection. What I said to him was roughly what follows:

When you have friends, you know you'll never be alone - you always will have someone to turn to when you are feeling down. You'll have amazing times and amazing highs, a smile is only a phone call or a visit away. The memories you'll share with friends are priceless. You, in many ways, become your friends. You share your life and bare your heart for another person, and that takes a lot of dedication and trust. Friends, much more than enemies, have the power to hurt you. Betrayal hurts like almost nothing else. The thing about friendship is, a true friend wouldn't intentionally hurt you. And sure, if someone you care about leaves, or dies, or whatever, it hurts. It hurts like hell because you care. But the pain is temporary. Life always goes on, and you'll always have the memories. And if you're open and caring and warm, you'll never be without friends. So even if one friend is gone, you'll have others to help support you. You wonder why people aren't nice to you; why people are rude and cold and hurtful to you? Because you were to them first. Being impersonal and cold and uppity around people won't give them any reason to try to befriend you. This gets into a TOK thing: self-interest theory vs. altruism. One way of looking at it, people see you being cold and unfriendly and see no benefit from being close to you, no possible bonding or help for themselves later down the road in a relationship with you. The other way, people see you being cold for no reason, and rather than put their resources (time, energy) into trying to crack your shell, they spend these resources on others who openly accept them - helping those they can as much as they can. So, either way, being cynical is going to get you nowhere. Sure, it'll shield you from the possible pain of loss, but what kind of trade-of is that, when instead you get the definite pain of loneliness and all that comes with it? Believe it or not, it takes a lot of work to hate everyone (or even to hate only a specific person) if you're able to see how other people think and feel on any sort of level. If you're having trouble identifying with someone, or can't understand why they're acting the way they are, try to look at their past and the way they think and their story to understand them better. Ask why. Often, this question's answer will give you more information than who, what, when, where, and how combined. And once you understand why, you can relate in some way, and then it's impossible to hold a grudge. Anyways, understanding and friendship and caring feels a lot better than bitterness and loneliness. Friendship doesn't have to be a competition. Just enjoy it while you're blessed with it, and work to keep it throughout your entire life.

And that's why friendship is my raison d'etre.

A lot of people probably thought it was music. Well, it's true that I would go nuts without it, friendship is more important in the long run. And it takes a lot for me to say that something is more important than music.

So, yeah, in case you forgot the original question: what is your reason for being?

*Here's the song from Nightmare (a really awesome jrock group) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=VdWnrKtgby0 (the song itself doesn't start until about twelve seconds in)

//NOTA BENE: All you peeps who are seeing this on Facebook, feel free to comment there, I'll move the comments here to blogspot (I have my ways) so everyone can see them (unless you don't want me to, but make sure you say that).

Also, for all you who didn't take Latin, "Nota bene" is Latin for "Note well"